


collapse the light into earth

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bunker Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 05:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel talk about Mary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	collapse the light into earth

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me, i've no clue where this was even going, but enjoy!

The usually cold, thick stone walls of the bunker seem to ooze warmth as Dean and Castiel sit upon Dean’s bed, pressing their lips together softly, gently and tenderly.

In the morning, Cas will be gone. Dean figures that they better savour this thing whilst they can.

The quiet hum of various machinery if the only other sound within the bunker aside from the quiet, damp sound of kissing. The two separate for a second. Dean reaches up and cups Cas’ face in his warm hands, sweeping his thumbs across the arches of his brows as the mans eyes flutter open.

“Hey.” Dean whispers with a smirk.

“Hello, Dean.”

Cas flickers his gaze to somewhere over Dean’s shoulder. He follows his gaze, eyes landing upon the picture of his mother resting on his desk lamp.

“She was beautiful.” Cas says softly, earnestly.

Dean huff out a breath, looking back at Cas, “Yeah. She was.”

They sit in silence for a moment, hands simply twining together, winding and unwinding.

“I wish you could’ve met her.”

“Me too.”

Dean furrows his eyebrows, looking up at the warm artificial light haloing the other man, making him look ethereal.

And maybe it’s the slow kisses, maybe it’s the warmth of Cas’ hands wrapped within his own with the knowledge that by tomorrow, he’s going to start forgetting what this feels like, until it’s a distant silhouette of a memory. Hell, maybe it’s even that dodgy burrito he ate the evening; but he decides to tell Cas a story.

“When I was a kid,” Dean clears his throat, “before mom died, she used to tell me that if I wished upon the very first star that came out in the sky, that the wish would come true. Kinda silly, right? But I was a kid.”

Dean does not look at Cas, afraid to see all of that honest attention focused solely on him. Instead he plays with a loose thread in his bedclothes. His skin feels too tight. But he continues anyway.

“I did that every night. Waited to catch the first star that came out, but I could never seem to get it. It’s like the stars didn’t want me to get my wish, you know? Then -” Dean swallows, his breath becoming shaky, “then mom died. And I was _mad_ , still, years later. When I was old enough to understand. I was still mad.”

“Why wouldn’t the stars just help me? I know I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve anything. But it was their job, and I was just a stupid kid.”

At this, Cas moves his hand to grip Dean’s knee, “Dean, you-.”

Dean cuts him off. “But I wanted something better for Sammy. And sometimes…sometimes I was even selfish. Sometimes I wished for some money, food. A dad who didn’t stick a gun in my hand at age nine,” he takes a wobbly breath, “for mom to still be here. I forgot her voice, you know? I just forgot it. And I felt like…like I’d let her die. Because I forgot her voice.”

Warm tears are filling his eyes at this point; the feeling of Cas’ thumbs rubbing along the backs of his hands the only thing holding him down to the earth.

“I just wanted something good. Something that I couldn’t mess up.”

He looks up at Cas now. Bare and open and he feels his heart breaking, the tears is Cas’ eyes shining.

“And then you came along.” Cas furrows his eyebrows at this.

“In Hell, we didn’t have stars. But every moment I could, I still wished for help. It’s stupid, I know.” Dean grips Cas’ hands tightly, “I finally got my wish, and I’ve messed that up too. I’ve wrecked you Cas. The stars finally took pity on me and sent me one of their own. But I’ve wrecked it. I’ve turned you into dirt, Cas. This is on me.”

He can’t seem control his voice, taking in shuddering breaths, _fuck, what was he thinking?_

“Dean, look at me.” Cas’ voice is firm, serious, “Dean.”

Cas looks at him desperately, furiously, “I’m not here because you wished it, Dean.”

“I’m here because I chose to be here. And I would choose to be here every time,” Dean’s jaw loosens, eyes searching Cas’ as the man speaks.

“If you weren’t Dean Winchester, and I wasn’t Castiel, I would still choose you. After all, what’s the point of the stars shining so brightly if nobody’s around to see them, Dean?” Cas says, softly, calmly, "you're a star of the earth."

“And you are the brightest of us all, your light touches everything you meet. And you know what I bet?” Cas smiles gently.

“What?” Dean gasps out.

“I bet that you make the stars jealous.”

Dean just _crumbles_ , overwhelmed, shoulders shaking, Cas pulling him into a frantic embrace.

“I just miss her so much sometimes Cas,” Dean gasps out into Cas’ shoulder, “sometimes it’s like she never even existed.”

Cas presses the side of his face into Dean’s hair, rubbing his back in large, slow circles, “She would be so proud of you Dean. So proud that her son is such a good man.”

“I- Cas, I-.”

“I know, Dean.” Cas breathes out.

“I know.”


End file.
